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Just such a failure

This post is not really about care-giving, and the struggles involved. Well, not completely. You see, I have some hobbies, and I am trying to really develop them, but I have gotten frustrated and am feeling like a failure in that avenue of late. Sure, part of it is probably related to my frustration about how little time I have been able to spend working on my hobbies because of my caregiver status, and because I am the only person in the entire house who isn't currently in school (remember, S is in PA school). But I would say that most of my frustration is that I have taken on hobbies that education for improving those hobbies is scarce. And also because I just don't have anyone truly knowledgeable about them who I can turn to when my knowledge is lacking. I really want to learn, and become good at it, maybe even a pro or expert. I can see the possibility of future side money in it if I get better at it. But getting there has caused me to even withhold engaging in those ho...
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Things are great... Or are they?

Again. New-ish breaking point. Same characters in the story, just a little bit further down the road. Once again things are on the up-and-up, but once again, at a time of my emotional need, all others are absent. Oh, they are here, and claim they are available to listen any time that I need them to. And maybe they really are available, but there are a number of reasons I just can't go to them to be able to talk it over with them. I can't go to them because I don't want to sound like a complainer. I'm not so sure if I want them to know my deepest, most raw thoughts. I am a man, and a soldier, and am not supposed to have "breaking points". I don't feel like I deserve the loving embrace of someone who just wants me to be heard, on account of feeling like this problem I am having is purely selfish. But probably the biggest two excuses that are keeping me back, are that S doesn't want "our dirty laundry" laid out for others to see, and I don...
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Reached a breaking point

On October 28, 2018 I had reached a breaking point that even a week later I still can't figure out how to get past. It is that hopelessness that is inherent when caring for someone who, while they aren't perpetually negative, they for sure aren't an optimist... Let me introduce the main characters of this very real story. I am a 37 year old husband of an extremely wonderful, beautiful (even if she doesn't see it), and intelligent wife, herself of 37 years. She is going to school to retake some prerequisites that she needs to be able to get into PA school. She has always dreamed of being a doctor. When we started our family (very early and unexpectedly), she had given that up for the time, and now sees being a PA as a great way to get back into what she loves doing best. Our boys are old enough that she has the time to be able to go to school, and my job allows me to work from home, so the time is ripe for her to pursue her ambition. It has been a year now since my w...
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